Blonde?
by Akemi Maxwell
Summary: Relena kidnaps Heero and Duo for no reason. Duo thinks up a way to out smart the blonde. R&R plz.


Blonde?  
  
By Akemi Maxwell, standard disclaimers apply  
  
7/11/03  
  
This is an anti-Relena fic. Some comments about Wufei, sorry Wufei fans. Sorry Relena fans. Sorry to any blondes.  
  
~  
  
He awakes drowsily, his eyesight blurry. He blinks once, twice, then three times. He tries to move his arms. "What the.?" He questions realizing he is bound to a chair.  
  
"'Bout time you woke up!" A familiar husky voice says sarcastically.  
  
Heero: Duo? Where are you?  
  
Duo: Right behind you.  
  
Heero's head swivels around to see Duo is bound with the same rope, in another chair.  
  
Heero: Great, so we're tied together, just what I need!  
  
Duo: Hey, it could be worse! You could be tied up with Wufei!  
  
Heero: That's true. Where are we?  
  
"At my house!" A dreadfully familiar voice squeaks out.  
  
Heero: Relena! Oh god no! * Throws his head back in a fit, cracking it with Duo's head *.  
  
Duo: OW!! Watch it! * Squints one eye * Good thing I have a hard head!  
  
Relena: Enough! You are my hostages! You have to do what I say!  
  
Heero: Hostages? * Side of Heero's mouth curls upward and he raises an eyebrow, squinting one eye * What are you talking about?  
  
Relena: The drinks I gave you were drugged! You blacked out and I kidnapped you! Hahahaha! * Puts her arms akimbo and throws her head back, laughing like a moron *  
  
Duo: What did you put in mine? I was awake the whole time! * Looks down at crotch *  
  
Relena: Oh, that was an accident, I grabbed the wrong bottle, * waves her hand at him * The bottle had the letters A-P-H-R-O-D-I-S-I-A-C, * Spells proudly *  
  
Duo: Oh my god  
  
Relena: Shush! You are my hostages!" * Waves her arms in the air *  
  
Heero: Why did you kidnap us anyway?  
  
Relena: I dunno  
  
Duo: * mumbles * Seems we were kidnapped by the village idiot  
  
Heero: What were you going to gain by kidnapping us?  
  
Relena: Ummmm, I never thought of that!  
  
Duo: She gained more stupidity and a punch in the face, that's what! Hey! How about money?  
  
Heero: Hn, Duo, she already has all the money in the world, why would she need more?  
  
Duo: So, she'd have a helluva lot more money!  
  
Heero: I'm stuck with two idiots  
  
Duo: I'm horny  
  
Relena: Hm, how do I get the money?  
  
Heero: I'm filing for a restraining order  
  
Duo: Must screw!  
  
Relena: Maybe if I.  
  
Duo: That's it!! I can't take it anymore! Relena, if you let me go, I'll help you get the money real easily!  
  
Heero: * pissed off * Duo, you bastard! You traitor! How come you're helping that moron?!  
  
Duo: * Whispers to Heero * I gotta' get home and watch porn, plus I want the ransom money!  
  
Heero: 0_0  
  
Relena: Hm, you drive a hard bargain.Duo we have to split the money fifty- fifty?  
  
Duo: Entirely  
  
Heero: I can't believe this is happening to me!  
  
Relena: * rubs chin as if thinking, we all know she can't * Deal! * Unties Duo *  
  
Duo: * rubs hands together * Excellent!  
  
Heero: * Wishes he were dead *  
  
Duo: All we gotta' do is wait!  
  
Hours later.  
  
Duo: Dammit! Nothings happened yet!  
  
Relena: And we don't have the money yet  
  
Duo: Wait! I have a plan!  
  
Relena: Yay! Uhh, what is it?  
  
Duo: * snickers * It's simple really! We pin a note on the hostage stating: 'we want however much money' and send him back home, and when Quatre or whoever reads it, they'll send Heero back wid da money!  
  
Relena: * applauds * Oh, Duo, you are so smart! I would have never thought of that!  
  
Duo: Of course you wouldn't  
  
Heero: -_-;  
  
Relena: How much money do we want?  
  
Duo: How about a dollar?  
  
Relena: Isn't that, like, not a lot?  
  
Duo: It's a lot, it just sounds like chump change  
  
Relena: * Unties Heero *  
  
Duo: * Writes note and pins it on Heero *  
  
Relena: * Boots Heero out the door * Now get going!  
  
Heero: 0_0; * Runs like a bitch towards home *  
  
Duo: How 'bout I order a pizza while he leaves?  
  
Relena: OK! * Turns back to get papers for world domination *  
  
Duo: * Jumps out the window. Runs like bitch back home *  
  
Relena: * Turns back around * Duo? Must have gone to get the pizza  
  
~  
  
Hour later.  
  
G- Boyz house:  
  
Heero: * slouched on couch with remote, flipping channels *  
  
Duo: * Comes out of kitchen with soda, slouches on couch *  
  
Heero: * rips the note off his shirt *  
  
Duo: What you watchin'?  
  
Heero: Cheese Weasel  
  
Duo: Oh  
  
~  
  
Relena: Where's my pizza?  
  
~  
  
Ummm.yeah.Review plz. 


End file.
